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Herman ‘HOLD the SAUSAGE, Baby!’ Cain

Via: Dependable Renegade

Poet laureate and teabagger extraordinaire Herman Cain recently drafted this lyrical masterpiece:

‘999 9th Street‘ (By Herman Cain)

999 9th street is the place to be. The Renaissance hotel in Washington, D.C.

A major conference there was meant to be. Where Mr. 999 is scheduled to speak.

Some will say, it is just pure luck. Others will say, it’s for a few bucks.

To heck with the skeptics who don’t have a plan. Because 999 has captivated the Land.

So jeer if you will the 999 man. Soon it will become, the law of the Land.

“He’s Baaack”



I tried my hand at re-working it:

Nein Nein Nein 9th Street’ (Not by Herman Cain)

Nein, nein, nein! is what the fräuleins say to me. At the Renaissance hotel in Washington, D.C.

I met some fine ladies, so slim and sleek. That’s when I turned on my special double-speak.

Some will say, it is just pure luck. But here they have hourly rates, for a quick fuck.

To heck with the bitches that don’t fall for my plan. They don’t know what they’re missin, I’m the pizza man.

Even when you slap me, I still tell you you’re hot. What’s the matter baby? Do you want this job or not?

“He’s Baaack”




June 16, 2012 Posted by | 2012, Cain, GOP morons | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Herman Cain – (former CEO – Godfather’s Pizza) – ‘GOP Moron of the Day’

“I don’t have facts to back this up, but I happen to believe that these demonstrations are planned and orchestrated to distract from the failed policies of the Obama administration.

Don’t blame Wall Street, don’t blame the big banks, if you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself! […]

It is not someone’s fault if they succeeded, it is someone’s fault if they failed.”


October 6, 2011 Posted by | 2012, Cain, GOP morons, Occupy Wall Street | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Herman Cain Pledges Not To Sign Any Bill Longer Than Three Pages

Via: Think Progress


Herman ‘Keep it Simple, for the Simpletons!’ Cain:

“Engage the people. Don’t try to pass a 2,700 page bill — and even they didn’t read it!

You and I didn’t have time to read it. We’re too busy trying to live — send our kids to school. That’s why I am only going to allow small bills — THREE PAGES.

You’ll have time to read that one over the dinner table. What does Herman Cain, President Cain talking about in this particular bill?”




The Pocket Constitution

usconstitution.net has printed a special edition copy of The Constitution of the United States that has been proofed word for word against the original Constitution housed in the Archives in Washington, D.C. It is identical in spelling, capitalization and punctuation.

This 48 PAGE Pocket CONSTITUTION also includes the Bill of Rights, Amendments 11-27, The Declaration of Independence, and a complete index of the Constitution.



June 8, 2011 Posted by | 2012, Cain, GOP morons | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Herman Cain (R-GA) – yet another, ‘GOP Moron of the Day’

Via: Think Progress – David Bernstein

During GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain’s campaign announcement on Saturday, the former pizza executive took a moment to lecture the country on its need to “reread the Constitution”:

CAIN:We don’t need to rewrite the Constitution of the United States of  America, we need to reread the Constitution and enforce the Constitution. … And I know that there are some people that are not going to do that, so for the benefit of those who are not going to read it because they don’t want us to goby the Constitution, there’s a little section in there that talks about “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

You know, those ideals that we live by, we believe in, your parents believed in, they instilled in you. When you get to the part about “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” don’t stop there, keep reading. Cause that’s when it says “when any form of government becomes destructive of those ideals, it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it.” We’ve got some altering and some abolishing to do!”


Cain really should have taken his own advice, however, before he decided to LECTURE the ENTIRE COUNTRY about the CONSTITUTION.

The phrase “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” does not appear anywhere in the Constitution’s text.

Nor does the Constitution include a phrase about the right of the people to alter or abolish a government that is destructive of their ideals. Both of those phrases appear in the Declaration of Independence, which, in case Mr. Cain is not aware, is actually an entirely different document than the Constitution — written over ten years earlier.

Sadly, Cain’s Bachmannesque ignorance of the nation’s founding documents makes him well-suited to compete in a GOP presidential primary. Republicans invented an utterly meritless constitutional objection to the Affordable Care Act, they’ve called everything from Social Security to Medicare to child labor laws unconstitutional, and they’ve even pretended that the Constitution allows them to strip
Americans of their citizenship.

So Cain needs to look no further than his own party if he wants to find people who are more interested in rewriting the Constitution than in actually reading it.




So big deal, he made a little mistake, so what?

Well, unlike immigrants, from say Mexico, the Philippines, Iran; this ‘moron’ would FAIL a simple test; which means he couldn’t vote.

GINGRICH’s brain-storm:



May 24, 2011 Posted by | 2012, Cain, Gingrich, GOP morons | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cain: “I’d like to see NO taxes on Corporation”

Via: Think Progress


KEYES: You mentioned about the, here on tax day, the corporate tax rate, that you’d like to see it reduced from 35 percent to 25 percent. But a lot of these corporations like GE are paying nothing in taxes currently.

CAIN: You’re mixing the issues, young man. Let me tell you something. People who pick out a company that spends zero, they’re not looking at the big picture. They’re not looking at the big picture. [Crosstalk] Secondly, taxes paid by corporations get passed on to consumers.

KEYES: So would you like to see no taxes on corporations?

CAIN: I WOULD LIKE TO SEE NO TAXES ON CORPORATIONS. That’s why I favor the Fair Tax. That would be fair to consumers. That’s why I would like to see that.

KEYES: Do you think it’s fair though that they’re taking advantage of some of these loopholes?

CAIN: Now, let me tell you. THEY DIDN’T WRITE THESE LOOPHOLES. So the fact that they’re using these “loopholes,” as you’re calling it, they’re just doing what the loopholes are. Change the loopholes by eliminating the tax code and replacing it with the Fair Tax and there would be no loopholes.



“You’re mixing the issues, young man.”

“Now, let me tell you.”

“They didn’t write these loopholes.”

– Captain Philip Francis Queeg


Yeah yeah, I know the names are reversed; but still, BATSHIT INSANE!

April 19, 2011 Posted by | Cain | , , , , , | Leave a comment