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Trolling at Walmart

Via: Occupy Portland


Dear Mrs. Woolf,  Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are “documented by our video surveillance cameras”:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5- minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of chips.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department – to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September  10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’



Man, that is so Portland – THANK YOU Mr. & Mrs. Woolf!


February 1, 2014 Posted by | U.S. Cities | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Portland, Oregon – Image Gallery

Via: Slate



‘Kirk Crippens – Up-Close and Quirky Photos With the Glorious Residents of Portland’

See more photos, HERE:



November 16, 2013 Posted by | U.S. Cities | , , , , | Leave a comment

Portland, Oregon

Via: The Oregonian’s Posterous



November 19, 2011 Posted by | Occupy Wall Street, We Are the 99 Percent | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

House raided after ‘heroin for sale’ fliers posted

Via: Nothing To Do With Arbroath

A north Portland (Oregon) house was raided by police after a fed-up neighbour sent officers a flier that said “Heroin for sale” and gave the home’s address. Portland police officers and the bureau’s Special Emergency Reaction Team served a search warrant on the home in the 3900 block of North Massachusetts on Tuesday. Officers who raided the home found a small meth lab, 19 grams of marijuana, 10 grams of heroin, 190 pills and $4,143 in cash, police say. They also seized a shotgun.

Police began looking into the home MORE THAN A YEAR AGO because of numerous neighbourhood complaints. At one point, an unidentified neighbour gave police the “Heroin for sale” flier, which also had the address and names of the suspected drug dealers. In addition, there were a number of public safety meetings where neighbors complained about the drug problem in their neighborhood, and they asked for something to be done, police say.

During the raid, there were seven adults and one 15-year-old in the home. Six of the adults were arrested on various charges: 59-year-old Joseph Baron, 58-year-old Shari Baron, 42-year-old Todd Christie, 36-year-old Suzanne Johnson, 34-year-old Barry Frost and 34-year-old Steven Davis. After police searched the house, neighbours came out to thank the officers.

Sgt. John Birkinbine, who leads the Neighborhood SLOW-Response Team for the area, says many of the officers were surprised at what happened after the suspects were arrested. “They were running out to our commander in the street and giving him hugs,” Birkinbine says.

He says the neighbours deserve most of the credit for getting the suspected drug house busted. (yeah, you think?)




If this happens again, and it no doubt will; here’s a helpful-hint for ‘dumb-ass’ Sgt. John Sherlock Birkinbine.

FROM: Portland Police Department

TO: 3937 Massachusetts Avenue



October 23, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment